Volume 2, Chapter 10 (Unedited)
This black space… wait, I didn’t die again?! It’s this weird empty place!! The place where my soul goes in between reincarnations, isn’t it?! No, no, no. I don’t remember dying… not at all! And I don’t remember interacting with the goddess at all! So, surely, I didn’t die!
Looking down… Oh, it’s my body. Yeah, it definitely can’t be the in between space. If I am able to see my body, it’s not that I’ve become just a soul. It’s just another odd thing in my life… Maybe, it’s a dream? But, I feel conscious? Let’s just go with thinking it’s a dream for convenience.
Right. My life is an odd thing, isn’t it? I’ve spent so many lifetimes, repeating the same thing over… and over… and over… And yet, it feels as though only recently I’ve started to grow. And I don’t mean physically, because that’s always been happening. I wonder what it is?
I guess, it’s that my mind is no longer thinking one thing… No, that’s not quite right… It’s the fact that the beliefs I once held, are beginning to change? It’s no longer ‘Well, doing this will be fun!’ with no fear of death.
That’s it, isn’t it?
Death is something to be scared of, not something that just signifies the start of something new… but when did I forget this? Or, more accurately, was I ever truly scared of death? Even in the beginning, did I not feel myself to be invincible? Thus, meeting the goddess, my first time, I didn’t think I was dead. I thought I was dreaming, prepared to wake up.
Ever since then, I wasn’t scared of death because it wasn’t the end. There was always something waiting. Yet, why? Has anything really changed? Am I not simply going with the flow as always?
Huh? Why am I able to see a bunch of other me’s everywhere… and they are literally all identical? It’s such as strange dream… Well, I don’t want to wake up though. Let’s just walk around.
“God damn you goddess!”
I hear one of the me’s say that when I walk by them.
“It’s all that damned goddess’ fault!”
They’re identical in looks, but some of them don’t speak and the ones that do, are usually just cursing at the goddess.
“Why does the goddess have to this to me?!”
“Why ignore me, goddess?!”
“Stupid goddess, putting me in this situation…”
“Why? Why did you kill me?”
Huh, that’s odd. This me, he was different… was he? Was he speaking, about that last life of mine? It’s fuzzy… who was it that killed me?
“You. Do you remember?”
“This is boring… ”
Oh, so they only have one line each… I’m curious.. Why don’t I continue to see what I can remember…
“I love you!”
Oh, it seems this is an early me? Or is it later? I think… No, I’ve never said that to anyone else. Did I say it to her multiple times? Dunno. It’s probably an earlier me.
This is quite a creepy feeling, actually. These are all versions of me. But they’re all different parts of me. And I’m having a dream where they are all separate. If I can dream something like this, what’s to say it can’t be made a reality?
Well, it’s only a dream. No need to get too philosophical like that, is there?
“Goddess… go die!”
Is he serious? Or, more precisely, was I serious?
Some of these things, I don’t think I remember them. It’s an odd feeling. Could it be likened to amnesia? Though, I don’t think that’s what it is….
“…You promised me – It was a lie, wasn’t it?”
Definitely the life I led before this one, I can remember that. But, the face… Who was it that made me feel like that? It’s a blur…
“I just want to die…”
Eh, I sounded serious just then… I don’t remember it, but I… I was washing for death at some time, was I? I wonder when…
It really is strange, to hear these things that I can’t identify with. Why does it feel like I’m disconnected from these feelings. I don’t think ‘I’, who I am now, has ever felt the same way as these… fragments?
Could it be… they aren’t all memories? Then, what are they?
“You said… We’d be together… forever…”
The last line before that death, huh? I can feel it, the pain. That one… was hurtful. But why? I can’t remember the face, but the feeling of betrayal… It feels, more important than just another life I lived.
A question has arisen.
A new goal that I will aim for.
Rather than wandering aimlessly through this life; I know what I need to do.
I need to remember.
“Just who was the person that killed me?”